I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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