i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Fuck appropriateness.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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