wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
