It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
