I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
