i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
