we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize