WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
