there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
