What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
