from now on my penis is your penis
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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