Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You made out with two different species that night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize