I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
