So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
