Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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