My brain says no but my pants say off.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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