I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i don't like sucking hair
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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