Sry I called you an 8
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
