don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
