I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i believe in u and ur pee
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