I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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