She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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