dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
