I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
