I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I smell stomach acid.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
