Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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