help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
