just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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