Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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