So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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