Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize