I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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