I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
