Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
