So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
In America we eat man semen.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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