I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
