I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
