i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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