you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Drake has all the answers
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
