i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
