i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
This toilet bowl is my home.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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