After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
