Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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