He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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