do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
