need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
