I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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