just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
