Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
