I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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