I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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