i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
