you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize