apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
