Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Randomize
