so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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