dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
