so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
