Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
