a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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