White coat. Heels.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
