I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
