I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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