When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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