she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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