Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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