note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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