just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
