New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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