he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My vagina is officially offended.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
