I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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