I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
