you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
