Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How does one acquire holy water?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
