i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
