I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
