Umm I'm too high to move.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
