My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
