hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
