Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
