Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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