vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
