i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
