I love black thongs
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
