Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
