talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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