you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
