This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
