i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
