Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
