i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
