is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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