Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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