also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
