just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
