dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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