stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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