She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
