Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
