dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
