why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
