hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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