I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
