I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
